When Depression Shuts You Down

Many people think of depression as endless sadness. But more often, it feels quiet: not crying, but scrolling; not screaming, but drinking; not overwhelmed, but unable to feel much at all.

This numbness is one of the most misunderstood aspects of depression — and it isn’t weakness.

Numbness as a Survival Response

Neuroscience and psychotherapy both show that numbness is the body’s way of protecting itself. According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, when fight-or-flight isn’t possible, the nervous system activates a shutdown state — fatigue, emptiness, disconnection. Your body isn’t quitting; it’s conserving energy.

In depression psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS) describes numbness as the work of protector parts. These inner strategies push us toward binge-watching, scrolling, or sleeping — not to sabotage us, but to shield us from pain too heavy to face directly

Why Self-Criticism Makes It Worse

Unfortunately, numbness often attracts the inner critic: “You’re lazy. You should be stronger.” But research by psychologist Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion, not harshness, reduces stress and restores motivation. Criticism deepens shutdown; kindness creates space for healing.

A Different Path: Compassion and Small Steps

Instead of battling numbness, try:

  • Curiosity: Ask, “What are these behaviors protecting me from?”

  • Compassion: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend in pain.

  • Small Actions: Depression therapy, including CBT, emphasizes “behavioral activation” — simple, doable steps like a short walk or calling a friend.

You Are Not Broken

Depression is not personal failure. It is your nervous system and inner protectors doing their best to keep you safe. Healing begins with gentleness, listening, and support.

If you’re struggling, know that Collaborative Psychotherapy Services in Mississauga are available to help you move from numbness toward connection, step by step. With the right support, numbness can thaw and life can begin to feel alive again..

References

Jacobson, N. S., Martell, C. R., & Dimidjian, S. (2001). Behavioral activation treatment for depression: Returning to contextual roots. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 8(3), 255–270.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.